The Price of Life, the Price of Love

“You duped me Lord,” (Jeremiah 20:7) says the prophet. I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t expect that the mission you gave me would make me suffer so much. But the prophet continues “And I let myself be duped.” Yes, you did tell me. You did tell me, at the very beginning of my vocation that “They will fight against you” (Jeremiah 1:19). But how could I say “no” to you, how could I say “no” to my mission? “You were too strong for me, and you triumphed.” Your message is “like fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones”: I cannot hold it in. I am like a trumpet in the Lord’s mouth, I am his mouth. This is what I am, this is who I am... Truly, if I speak, they may kill me; but if I don’t, I am killing myself. I want to live, but the only way to live is to be who I am. To live, for me, is to preach, otherwise I am already dead. You, Oh Lord, are my life, the only life I want to live.

“You deceived me, Lord, and I let myself be deceived.” Like one who is in love and does not want to see all the sufferings which saying “yes” may bring...

1. In today’s Gospel, the Lord says clearly, “whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24) He does not deceive. But, if we come after Him, He promises so much that we cannot say no. Even more, saying no to him would be to say no to eternal life. “Only you have words of eternal life” (John 6:68) But how hard are Jesus’ words today! Sometimes, like Peter, we want to hear only about us being loved by God, about the Son of the living God being here with us, about us being given the keys of the Kingdom, about the Church being stronger than any human and diabolic power (cf. Matthew 16:16-19). How sweet are those words! But when the Lord speaks of the cross, like Peter, we don’t want to listen any longer. “God forbid, Lord!” (Matthew 16:22). And when tribulation comes, like Peter and the other apostles, we run away, we get scared and even deny our Lord, like Peter...

Today, we need to understand that the only way to be happy and to have life is through the cross. “Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” The cross is not a pointless suffering, but the suffering we need to purify ourselves for love.

2. Let me show first how, even in human affairs, love is not possible without suffering. Second, how this applies to the love of God.

Pleasure is good, pleasure is fun... but those who are always looking for pleasure only will never find love, will never find life. We are not made for pleasure, we are made for love. But love has a price. Whoever does not want to suffer is not ready for love and will never find it. The only way to love is to share your personal space with another person and that means to deny yourself. If this is so in human affairs, much more so in the spiritual warfare.

We are born with original sin. On top of that, our hearts have been invaded by disorderly loves and affections. The only way to make room for God is to cut the weeds, to take those affections away, and that hurts. This is why suffering is necessary: because the only way to take away sin is to do penance, is to change life and changing life is difficult. And do you know what the most difficult thing is? To change our way of thinking about things or, better said, to deny our way of thinking about things. We have committed sin in the past because we considered good that which God considered bad for us. When we repent, we give up our judgment and try to embrace God’s judgment. To repent is not simply to stop doing something evil, it is also to stop considering it good for us. This is very difficult but it is absolutely necessary. “I was wrong: you, O Lord, are right. I change my mind: this is not good for me and, therefore, I will try to avoid doing this in the future.” This is to deny ourselves. This is to lose our lives for Jesus’ sake. And this is the only way to find true life. If you hold on to your own sinful views, you ruin your life because the love of Jesus cannot dwell within you. Instead, when you deny your sinful views to embrace Jesus’ way, you are saved, you find true life and true love.

3. “How can you say that something so difficult makes you happy?” Let me get back to the prophet. When you are meant to be something and you know it, you are not happy until you achieve your ideal. The only way for the prophet Jeremiah to survive is to be who he is, is to preach and to be the “bronze wall” (Jeremiah 1:18) which he was called to be. If you know what God wants for you and you do not do it, if you know what your vocation is and you do not follow it, you will always be broken, interiorly frustrated, because you know that you were called to be a hero of love in your own movie and you are not even playing a decent villain... Our movie is “The Passion of the Christ,” and we are all called to be very close to the main character, to Jesus, like Simon of Cyrene, or like the Good Thief, or like the repented Peter, or even like our Lady! It hurts to be closed to the one you love when that person is suffering but... can you really be anywhere else? What is life about, if not about being with those we love, in good and in bad?

What do I need to give up to follow Jesus? Is it something I do? Is it my way of seeing something I do? Is it my fear of following Him, is it my fear of love? What is the cross I need to embrace? What is my mission? What is my vocation? Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? May the Lord make us happy with the answers to these questions.